If you had asked me at 15 what I thought my life would look like now at 29, I am absolutely certain my answer would have been the exact opposite of reality. I never would have imagined myself married at 23, pregnant that same year, and a mother of not one, but two boys months before turning 28. Maybe I would have guessed that I would own a house by now, or that I'd be spending my life alongside my true love - I was always a hopeless romantic after-all. But living in a small town almost two hours outside Toronto? Nope. Driving an SUV full of car seats? Definitely not. Living with chronic illness, and being a stay at home mum? Never. I thought I'd be out on the road touring with bands, or photographing them for album covers. I never thought I'd be sick or in pain. This wasn't the life I planned. Life doesn't go as planned. This is the first lesson I want to share with you.
1. Be Flexible: Start every day with a plan, and a backup plan. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, and don't burn any bridges. But mostly don't judge my use of these cliches. The unexpected happens, plans change, your path veers left when you thought you were headed right. Life is like a rollercoaster, you can either scream at every bump or you can throw your hands up and enjoy the ride.
2. Be Kind: There is literally nothing more important than being nice - even to strangers. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about, so be kind always. Simply smiling at someone on the street, or holding the door open for them can completely lift their mood. Sharing a hug with a friend, or telling someone you love them does wonders for both their soul and yours. And random acts of kindness? I honestly think they make the world keep turning... so make those happen.
3. Be Yourself: I can give you a thousand tips on what to do and how to do it to be "successful" and happy in life, but the only thing that can really make that happen is by being yourself. Right now you are at a crazy time in your life... you're making new friends, living with more freedom, planning for your future, and most of all having fun. Just remember to do all of these things with your true self and your whole heart in mind. Spend time with people who make you smile and who believe in your dreams. Make smart choices for yourself and for your future - we all make mistakes, but don't ever make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling. Explore, get wild, embrace the opportunities that come your way, just do it safely and always come home to me.
4. Be Healthy: You know by now that I am a terrible eater. I hope I haven't passed this curse on to you. Eat whole foods, drink as much water as you can stand, and exercise as much as the day allows. You only get one body, you have to make it last. Of course you can't live like a rabbit your whole life - enjoy decadent desserts, go to the movies and eat way too buttery popcorn, spend a rainy day on the couch in your PJs. Life is all about balance, the yin and the yang.
5. Be Respectful: To your parents, to your teachers, to your friends, but especially to the girlfriends (or boyfriends) throughout your life. Respect their feelings and don't try to change them, respect their personal boundaries both physically and emotionally, respect their choices but don't compromise your own morals in the process. If you don't respect others you can't possibly respect yourself, and in turn others won't respect you either. Earn it, and maintain it.
6. Be Present: There is nothing worse than waking up when you're middle-aged and wondering where your life went. Every morning when you get out of bed make the decision to be present through whatever life throws at you that day. Embrace every situation you find yourself in - remember what things looked like, smelled like, and how each moment felt. If you want to hold on to those senses then document them. Write them down, take photos, make home movies. I wish I'd done more of this as a teenager when everything was new and every day brought with it an epic adventure.
7. Come Home: Okay, this is a selfish one on my part, but I needed to remind you. We won't always get along, I won't always like the choices that you make and you won't always like the punishments you're bound to receive. But please know that no matter what happens I love you with my entire soul and I need you to always come home to me. When you're 19 and out drinking with friends til three in the morning, call me for a ride. When you're 16 and think it would be fun to get in your friend's car and drive really fast, don't, just walk home. When you're 22 and the stress of school is too much and you need a shoulder to cry on, I am here waiting. When you're 31 and Christmas isn't the same in your new house and you want to stay with us and wait for Santa, the door is always open. Saying all of this now I can't imagine you ever moving out and what I will do with myself, but I need you to know that you can always come home, for anything. I love you unconditionally. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
- Mama.
Labels: a letter to my boys, cliches to follow, parenting
